Things I'll Never Say...

I'm in over my head.

I can't find the surface. Which way is up? Why does this happen, this feeling, this flutter, this nervous energy, this little smile that makes your stomach do cartwheels.

It makes you crazy, some say.

Makes you want to skip down the street and smile at everyone you walk past, wishing them a good day. Makes you want to do good things for everyone so they can feel what it's like to be this happy. Makes you want to giggle and run in circles and fly. This contentment that makes you want to drive 300km and hour to your favourite place, be with the one who is making you really feel, and sit quietly, happily. Makes you want to spend the night talking, not talking, cuddling, kissing, being. In the true innocence of it all.

I hate the ache inside that makes you so, so happy. The thrill of new feelings. The excitement of attention paid. When boys call you 'babe'. When they act hurt because you tease them. The waiting and watching when you wake up, did they call/text/message me? I hate that I love this all so much.

Please, call me babe if you want something to come of this - it's my biggest weakness. Hold me just a little longer and a little tighter and a little closer. Tell me you miss me, you love me, you think I'm pretty if it's real - never before, I don't need to hear it ever if it's not really there, I'm okay with that. Visit me, surprise me, show up on my doorstep and demand I go for a walk or a drive or somewhere with you. Talk about whatever crosses your mind, who cares about relevancy? Let me steal your clothes, shirts make the best pyjamas, sweaters and sweats are perfect for nights at the barn. Get to wherever I am when I'm hurt or crying if it's something real, not just a cut but a fight with a parent, etc. Call or text me good morning every once and a while. Hold my hand, or put your hand in my back pocket. Kiss me in front of other pretty girls you know / are friends with. Come up behind me and kiss my neck and hold me around my waist. Smile at me, just because. Touch my lower back softly if you want to make me giggle, it's so ticklish and I think it's cute when guys figure that out. If you really want to win me over, listen carefully: I am a city girl, but my heart belongs in the country. Take me out to the countryside one night, don't tell me where we're going, take me somewhere with a beautiful view and a sky full of stars. Sit with me, hold me, you'll see. I could never be happier.

- xx, Kelly.