Can't Stop, Wont Stop...

Today [instead of doing homework, which was potentially a bad idea] I read a few really amazing blogs. I've realized, compared to these people I don't have anything greatly philosophical to say, no life lessons, there aren't usually morals to my stories, nothing of that sort. I don't consider myself greatly creative - I can't express how I really feel in words, I've never done well in english. I don't write songs, or poetry, or even fairy tales. So much of that creativity was taken away when I was little and someone laughed at what I had to say. I learned to be practical, to fight smart, not with emotion. I learned the most effective way to get to someone without embarrassing myself. I don't let my emotions get "out of check". I've never felt love [outside of family] and I'm not sure I know how to love someone outside of my family. I know, it's not like I've come to the end of my life, I'm on high school for God's sake, but sometimes I wish I was different. I wish I was one of these girls that believed in people enough to give away her heart - risk getting hurt, and then pick herself back up and do it again.

I'm not that girl who falls for any boy who tells her she's beautiful and I don't waste my time on people who screw me over. I'm not a hopeless romantic - in fact I can't stand romantic movies, or mushy conversations. I love this blog because it comes with so much freedom - I don't have to constantly look over my shoulder, I write, whether it matters in the greater scheme of things or not,

I write.

So many things in my life have to be kept in check - why can't I be excited and let the world know I'm happy? Well, most people don't want to hear it, and those who do, I can't tell. C'est la vie? God, I hope not.

So I'll tell you who I really am - I love animals - I have pets, a dog, rats [yes, you got that right, two rats] and horses that I love dearly. I'm an equestrienne, I haven't said it before because I've been afraid. Afraid of what people will think if they read this, afraid I'll have to explain for my self when they realize it's me, afraid they wont approve.

Well guess what? I live in Toronto, I ride at two barns, one of which is here in the city where a horse I've been riding for a year is located, and another outside of the city. I've been beyond excited about the 2nd barn and the amazing horses there but I can't tell anyone - they wont like that I'm riding there. Well guess what? I love it there, I want to compete nationally, and if you wont let me then I'm going somewhere else, some where better than you'll ever be. I go to a tiny little private school filled with fake, bitchy girls I want nothing more then to get away from. I've had a best friend since grade 6 that I now never speak to, no matter how many times I call/text/etc. the favor is never returned. I used to have "barn friends" but now it's more like "barn friends minus Kelly". And you know, as angry as it makes me sometimes, I'm okay. I have real friends. Girls no one could ever replace. And I'll love them forever, because they're friends with me because I'm me, not because I'm pretty, or I'm the life of the party, or I drink until I tell every boy in the room I love them. So here is to me, and the girls that keep me smiling. And to the rest? Fuck you. Fuck you very much.

Happy Birthday To ME.

- xx, Kelly.

#29 text message or call her in the morning, just to say good morning