I'll Move On Baby, Just Like You...

I don't feel like writing.

It's new years, but I'm sick and don't feel like taking the energy to think.

but I will, of course. It's mandatory, in my mind anyways.

I wish I could go back and remember all the things that have happened to me this year, all the things that have changed, but I honestly would have no idea where to start. My world has flipped upside down;

new friendships have replaced the old,

new horse and barn,

new coach and then new coach again [and again],

new relationships within my family,

new clothes,

new confidence,

new opinion,

new knowledge.

I've been happy, sad, worried, nervous, anxious, loud, silent, reflective, oblivious. I've fallen in love with new music, new horses, new friends, and new boys. Everything has changed, but everything is still the same. I'll remember yesterday for what it was; a stepping stone on my way to today. I'll look back and laugh at the silly, funny, stupid things I did in 2010 and laugh because it happened, and it is a part of me. I'll smile, because I know that no matter what happens in 2011 I have my family, the whole thing, behind me every step of the way. I'll reach goals because losing is not something I like to do. I'll move forward, live lightly, love passionately, trust few but with much, smile often. Laugh. Live. Love. Learn. Spend. Smile. Travel.

Goodbye my wonderful, eventful, exhilarating, lovely 2010.

Hello my beautiful, mysterious, exciting, fresh start.

Nice to see you 2011.

I've been waiting for you a while.

- xx, Kelly.

I Can't Stand You...

I seem to spend half of my time in cabs, going from one place to another. Going going going. I find that I get a lot of my thinking done in these cabs. I guess it's worth the cost of the ride.

Tonight, I was thinking about friends. How much I love and care about some of them, and how there are others that I'm not sure how to handle.

It's a funny thing, the girls you would have always thought you wanted to be friends with always turn into something interesting. Interesting being my nice way of saying a problem. The problem with this problem, is that it snowballs.

I'm always the girl who laughs off the bitchy comments, mean jokes and being made fun of. I make jokes right back, laugh with them, or ignore the implications. The problem is that unlike your average pushover, I only take so much.

I refuse to take shit from people who have no reason to be mad at me, I hate gossip and catty girls, and I hate boys who take advantage of it all. I hate when girls you always believed to be nice turn out as something different, but it's already too late. I hate how girls always seem to change who they are when they're with guys. I can't stand when they leave you at home alone, or when you hear a nasty rumour about yourself, and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach because the only person you told about that is you 'friend'.

I guess I don't like much, but I'm glad that the girls I truly consider my friends aren't like this. Love you girls.

- xx, Kelly.

#53 talk to her about anything that crosses your mind

Letters That You Threw Away...

Six days until my birthday. One month, six days until the beginning of the end. Technically speaking, there are only twenty five days of torture - then exams begin. Aaah, the end of school is so close, and this year, more than ever, I'm waiting [impatiently] for it to come. My summer plans are just too exciting to wait for [not to mention the fact that none of said plans include school]! Here's a little break down of what's coming up:

May:

• My Birthday [the 4th]
• Competition [the 23rd] and,
• 2 1/2 exams

June:

• last days of school [ends on the 4th]
• exams [5 1/2 exams]
• DONE school for the year

Rest of June, July and August

• Competing [out of a different place North-West of the city - most beautiful place ever!]
• Cottage
• Work [fingers crossed I get the job I'm hoping for - if not I have a back up], and
• more competition

Now for more current things, I know I haven't written in a while / I'm not 100% dependable [more like 5% dependable] when it come to writing often, but I've been super busy lately.. and just too lazy to open my computer.

Saw Vikki, Penelope, Cassie and Kristie this weekend which was sooosososo nice, considering I haven't seen then in forever. Hopefully I'll be able to see more of them as things slow down. School has been normal, the usual drama - Cadela is still a whore, nothing new there. Chloe is coming over this weekend and coming up north with me which should be fun.

On a much less relevant note, Rugby = one of my new favorite sports. Sooooo much fun, haha, Chloe and I have the same gym class, and this is what we've been playing for the past 2 weeks. Looove it.

- xx, Kelly.

#27 don't cheat on her.

I Think I'm Everything You Hate...

Woooow, I need to get back on track here. Being busy is officially not a good enough excuse to neglect LLST. But.. is excitement? Okay so we'll recap -

Monday, tuesday and wednesday were not my best days - things just didn't seem to be going my way. This all turned around wednesday night, though. I went and saw Cassie, and for the first time in a while, I saw Penelope! It was nice catching up with her [getting her in trouble] and seeing Cassie.

Thursday, now thursday gets it's own paragraph. Thursday morning Catherine came over and we got ready, got a bit to eat [she brought Starbucks - yumm] and then went downtown and met Kelsey, Sarah and Kristine at the charity we're doing a bit of work through school at. We talked to them for a bit and then went out for a proper breakfast [at a cute little creperie in the shopping district] and then went to go sit outside in the heart of the downtown center. While we were there, our mission to talk to all sorts of people on behalf of our charity, a few things happened: 1. Darcy joined us, 2. we got a bunch of funny interviews with people to help this little charity, and 3. I got scouted to model.

3rd one is a bit out of the blue, right? Well, I sure thought so - the lady came up, asked how old I was, and then asked me if I was interested in modelling! Afterwards we checked it out to see if it was a scam, and it seemed pretty legit - it's Molly Sim's agency, haha.

* Instead of saying it everyday, I'll just tell you here that tuesday, wednesday,thursday, friday, saturday and sunday I went and help Cassie out / hung out with her.

Friday was pretty calm, went over to Sarah's with Kelsey and Darcy for Chloe's BIRTHDAY! Saturday I went out to see a girl I know through Cassie, and that was really good - I'm thinking I'll be spending more and more time out there, working and such.

Sunday, was of course, Easter. Caleigh, Natalie, Jessie and I went out for Starbucks after church so the parents could hide Easter Eggs. Yes, we still do that - and yes, the easter bunny is in fact real. [Well, real enough for me to want the Laura Secord chocolate]

And now we've reached Monday, the day of cramming. I'm planning on getting all homework done by.. 8ish [not that it's likely], in order to still get out on a bike ride or something with Nat or Jessie.

- xx, Kelly.

#21 open doors for her, walk her to her car, it makes her feel protected - plus it never hurts to be a gentleman

Boy, Your Halo Is Turning Red...

Honestly, if it wasn't for my handy little blackberry, after not writing for 6 days I wouldn't know what to tell you. Lucky for you [and me] going through my text message history is pretty good at reminding me of all major and minor events:

Wednesday, Tiffany and I were talking about this boy that lives near her when we got into a little argument [not a serious argument - it was a total joke] about who would get more guys out of the two of us. We decided to get a 3rd party's vote, so Tiffany texted Chicago with the question. He came back with something along the line of this:

"Kelly would definitely get more guys - but you [Tiffany] are more of the girlfriend type than she is. The guys Kelly gets probably wont stick."

I don't know if he intended on making me sound like I sleep around, I don't think so, but whatever - even though it wasn't the ideal answer, I won and Tiffany didn't. Later on Penelope came over for a little bit before we headed off to meet up with Cassie. I filled her in on everything that had happened on my trip, and everything Tiffany and I had done [including that dream] Friday I saw Cassie again, and sorted out working with her this summer! Saturday night I went out for sushi for a friend's birthday, and afterwards a bunch of people went back to her house and watched Harry Potter. Low key night, but it was fun to dress up and go out for dinner and spend time with her, as I don't see her all that often. Sunday I went skiing with Natalie and Caleigh, which was nice seeing as I haven't been since going out west at Christmas.

Today, went to school, the usual until last period, Pearse and I were talking and as much as I deny it, it does seems like he's a little too interested in my responses and how I react to what he says/does, for it to be just as 'friends'. I started thinking about what it would be like to date him, and had to stop. Not that he's a horrible person, I just reeeally can't date him. First of all, he dated Carina. But honestly, I just don't like him that way. I mean, can you say unbelievably awkward?

-xx, Kelly.

#8 laugh with her

Queen of Everything The Eye Can See...

You remember, I'm sure, everything about my friend switching schools? [if not, see the post directly below this] Well, I was talking to Reea [who is best friends with her] today and she was saying that the other girl is coming back to our school. Reea and a few other girls apparently went over to her house yesterday and talked her out of switching. Long story short - a lot of useless drama.

Another little bit of wasted time - Reea and Derek are back together. I believe they broke up for a weekend. Pointless? I'd say so. Maybe there is a real reason for the madness... although there probably isn't.

Saw Cassie yesterday, and had absolutely no motivation to do anything whatsoever. Soooo, we didn't really do much. Penelope was also there for a few minutes, but i arrived just as she was leaving.

On the Pearse front - nothing has really happened. I'm starting to notice the "casual" flirting more and more, and there always seem to be these awkward encounters. Lola and I were talking this morning and he came up to us, and started talking to me. Lo pointed out that it wasn't a, "Hey Kelly, Hey Lola..." type thing, but more of a, "Hey Kelly."

Crossing my fingers that it's all my imagination!

Alright, this is the end of my little update, have to finish a few assignments and walk the dog [Larissa - that means you too!] and maybe [just maybe] sleep tonight?

- xx, Kelly.

Cream Coloured Ponies, and Crisp Apple Strudel...

I love Christmas - its been about 9 days since i was last on my computer, which makes me feel like I'm off in my own little world, but it is soo nice. Christmas with the family was awsome, and to be honest the opposite of relaxing. Whoever thought that Christmas 'break' was a time to rest was on the wrong planet.

This is going to have to be a short post as we [Natalie, Jessie, Caleigh, the rest of the fam and I] leave early tomorrow morning on our next little adventure out west.

The past two [and a bit..] weeks have been suppperrrrr busy. I saw Cassie a bunch [almost everyday, actually] and Penelope too. But going back to the thursday after my last post I have some storiesss.

First I'd like to introduce you to:

Catherine - totally gorgeous girl with a golden heart. Known her for a while, but we have just recently become close friends.

So on thursday Catherine and I got ready to go out together [which by the way - party was a bit of a bust. Seems to be a reoccurring trend with this school's parties..] and anyways, she ended up telling me about this boy that she really likes. He is a cutie but a bit of a dog. He asked her to go out with him the following weekend [after Christmas] and then bailed last minute [gaaaaaaayyyy].

Ooooh last thing - Belle and Marc are no more [last I heard, anyways] they were really cute together but I feel like the relationship was awkward. Not in a socially-awkward kind of way but in a dysfunctional way...

Meeeh this isn't worth it, I can't explain myself, its past 11pm.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAC.

- xx, Kelly.

How Do We Inspire Greatness, When Nothing Else Will Do?...

Eight days. Eight days, Eight days, Eight days.

Eight days of, "Wish the internet was working..", "I should write, but.." and "I'm too tired, I'll do it tomorrow.." s. Oooppsss...

Well...

Wednesday I saw Penelope and Cassie, again. I feel like I tell you about them both a lot, but its really because they are both such funny girls! Penelope is amazing, and I don't know what I would do without Cassie. Thursday and Friday, Natalie, Jessie, Caleigh and I were at the funeral. I have to say, it still doesn't feel real. Then friday night after everything I went up north and met Mac, and Cassie. Kristie couldn't make it, because she too had a funeral to attend, but it was still lots of fun. Saturday, and Sunday were a blast - Mac was only there on Saturday, but Cassie, another girl and I made up for the loss of people! I got home sunday night and crashed. Monday I had a major headache/migraine so I had to stay home. I have to say, migraines are the worst. You can't even sit up without cringing in pain.

Today was good to be back at school, and even better to see everyone again. I don't write as much about the girls from school as I'd like to, but I seem to be busy busy busy with all the sports that I have no time. Tomorrow I'll hopefully be going shopping with Kelsey, Kristine, Chloe, Darcy and Sarah, so I'll have stories for you there!

Now, I have to say, the boy situation isn't all that thrilling at the moment. Team Canada is no longer an option [thank youu Thumper... ughh.], Thumper is still in BC [which could stir something up when he is home for christmas..] , Chicago is M.I.A., Nobody remains a nobody, and the one possible new 'thing' isn't worth reporting. Yet...

- xx, Kelly.

Cut Ties With All The Lies You've Been Living In...

It has been 8 days. Wow, I kept meaning to write, and then right as I was starting to get some time something would blow up in my face. Lovely, really.

So last weekend (saturday, sunday, monday) I stayed at Tiffany's house, which was fun. I got to meet all of her new friends out there. They were all really nice, some more than others but hey, isn't it always that way? Anyways, I took the train home late monday night, used that as time to do homework and study.

Tuesday was Tiffany's actual birthday, and I was back in the city and at school. All of the teachers decided that because this week (starting tomorrow) is a short week, they're going to give unit tests, seminars, speeches, you name a form of evaluation, they've assigned it for the same 4 days. So I spent the rest of the week (wednesday, thursday) just trying to catch up after a weekend of doing zerrooo, which failed a little bit.

I had decided that I was going to stay in and do homework friday because I was starting to get stressed out, but of course, that didn't happen. Instead I went and saw Penelope and Cassie. When I got home (which was still early! I still planned on doing homework..) and I got the lovely news that my family is slowly falling into little tiny pieces. (I'l go into detail after saturday)

Saturday I met up with Vikki, Penelope, Mac and Kristie and we all went to the Royal! It was sooo good to see them all, and especially because we have so much fun together - I haven't seen Kristie is forever - we talk all the time, but the few days she is in the city I'm either not here, or we're both busy.

Alright, this is the point where you either get ready for some not-so-fun stuff, or if you're happy today and you don't need something depressing, RUN.

My uncle is an alcoholic - something that seems to be surrounding me from all sides of my family. His liver almost failed a few weeks ago, and he was hospitalized for a week and told that he was not allowed to drive, and definitely not allowed to drink. Of course, seeing as alcoholism is a disease, thursday night he was in a little town 2 hours from where he lives, at a gas station and the people working realized that he was drunk. They called the local cops who came and waited and watched him for a bit., And of course he backed his truck into the side of an unmarked cop car.

They put him in jail until saturday morning, impounded his truck and took his license away. My mom had to meet my grandpa at my uncles house early saturday (my grandpa drove my uncle's car to his house, and my mom had to pick up my grandpa and take him home) they took all the car keys they could find and left. My mom has to stay with my grandparents for the week because my other uncle and aunt are going to visit her family and my grandma, who is dying not only of cancer but of watching her son kill himself, needs help.

Isn't it funny how all those things that seem so secure, those things that you hide behind when you need help, can all come crashing down within a few seconds of each other?

- xx, Kelly.

I Only Have Myself To Blame For Falling For Your Stupid Games...

I was debating writing last night, but I decided that I'd wait until tonight so I'd have more for you.

Last night I talked to Caleigh about what she did for halloween. She was telling me about how all these bitchy girl are spreading rumors about her and Team Canada hooking up, after he broke up with one of her really good friends a month or two ago. She's not.. and it sounds like it really sucks. I can't imagine if my really close friends started telling everyone I was hooking up with a good guy friend, just because we hang out? It's not right.

Anyways, one of her other guy friends was Thumper for halloween! Haha, here is how their conversation went:

Caleigh: Who are you dressed as?

Boy: Thumper!

Caleigh: Haha, thats clever. Hey I should get Kelly to come, she would complete the costume!

Boy: Naah, Thumper would be pisssseeeddd [hmm?, I'm liking the sound of this! haha]

Caliegh: Why, doesn't he have a girl?

Boy: Naah, they're done. I think its because he's stuck on your sister..

I have to say, this made me really happy. 1. I love that he hasn't gotten over me [yeah, shallow or whatever, its fine], 2. I'm still not over him, so if it was one-sided that would suck. And, 3. that he has obviously talked about me, or else why would his friend know that it would make him mad?

LOVE IT.

I was talking to Penelope about this yesterday - basically about how I don't really want him back, because he had a chance and faillleeedddd. But then again, it would take about 2 words. FML - why are girls so pathetic when it comes to guys? Don't deny it - we ALL do this.

On another note, one of my good friends likes this guy, and I heard from Lindsay that he's hooking up with her [Lindsay's] friend. I don't know what to say.. and if I should say anything?

-xx, Kelly

{Song Title: Undo It - Carrie Underwood}

Spring Forward, Fall Back...

Time changes always confuse me. I woke up at what turned out to be 8:00 this morning, thinking, "Great, I woke up just in time." NOPE. I woke up an hour earlier than I had hoped. Its fine though, gives me time to write.

I went out with Vikki last night. Nothing very interesting to report back to you, I personally think that Halloween is a bit overrated. It just gives people a reason to drink more, wear less, and everyone does it because its a "Holiday"! Don't get me wrong, my costume was fairly little - but it wasn't a ripped shirt with a pair of booty shorts, and something written across my chest that tells you what I'm supposed to be..

Vikki has a new boooyyy. We had just gotten back, when she told me. I fully though she was back with Nobody, and I could have smacked her. She wasn't, thank God, and she told me about the new guy she had been texting - all night.

So I realize I haven't written for a while, so we'll do the usual catch-up thing.

Wednesday I saw Penelope and Cassie - I told penelope about how Cassie knows Pearse, and then remembered that I had asked him about Cassie. I told her about how he remembered her, too. [Can't remember if I told you that story, so I'll summarize it.] Cassie was a counselor at an all boys camp, and Pearse went there. She recognized his name, and when I asked him about her, he remembered her, too. I missed going to the last regular season football game [my school's] where they lost - but they did well. They were playing a really good team, and seeing as our team has only been around for a year, evern getting one touch down [which they did] is quite the feat.

Thursday, I talked to Tiffany a bunch. Her parents are planning a surprise party for her on the weekend I go down, [next weekend?] and she figured out what they were planning and freaked. It was not good - scavenger hunt. For a 16th? REALLY? So we fixed that, ASAP and it is now safe to say that we have no idea what they're planning, but it is NOT a scavenger hunt, haha.

Friday there wasn't much - I've been sick so I took it easy and slept. I was supposed to meet up with Cassie again, but she wasn't feeling well either so it never really happened.

One of the girls I met in Ireland this summer, who I still talk to a lot, was telling me she is back in Ireland for the week - SO JEALOUS. But, because of this I've been talking to Penelope and Kristie about going back next year, more. I would like to get over to Galway if we go, and possibly fly to London and meet my mum there before going home? I don't know, its a work in progress. What I do know is that I am definitely going back to Ireland, and I'm going to have to work my butt off to get there - I have to pay for everything other then flights.

- xx, Kelly

He's Just Trying To Keep It Together, 'Cus He Could Do Worse And I Could Do Better...

Wow, so Chicago now reads the blog - haha. This just adds to how great this is. And for others, no worries - just because he reads it doesn't mean I'm going to stop talking about him!

Not a whole lot has happened since friday. I have strep throat, which would be why I feel grossgrossgross. I saw Vikki very briefly yesterday, she spend most of that time laughing at what I had left of my voice. Nice, eh? Haha.

I spent most of today catching up on work I missed friday, and talking to Tiffany. She was telling me how they sat beside a senior from her school, and her dad was joking about how she should ask him out. Then she goes, "He had really nice eyes, but... he had a mohawk.." Hahaha. I'm sure the only reason her dad said anything was because of the mohawk. Oh well, I guess we'll have to get him out of his fishbowl more often, so he can see the world. There are plenty of mohawks out there. (Haha, that was for you, Tiff) We call his home office his fishbowl because it has a glass door and hes always in there.

More New Characters - Just incase you're not confused enough yet!

California - I've been talking about him for a while - this is the guy that Tiffany like. We'll see, Ill hopefully meet him when I go to visit for her birthday. Well, I will if she wants her $25!

Penelope - amazing girl, I see her almost every wednesday, though you may not hear about her that often as we're only together for a few minutes at a time. She's one of the gorgeous girls I went to Ireland with this past August

So I think I should go into a little more detail about Chicago reading LLST. After I posted my last post (friday night) I was talking to Tiffany and Kristie.

Kristie and I were have one of our usual pointless conversations, and anyways she had to go around 11:30. After she was gone I talked to Tiffany for a while, until I decided I should probably go to sleep too. About 2 minutes after I got off the computer I got a text:

Tiffany: Chicago's reading LLST!

Kelly: WHAT THE FUCK? HOW?

I went back on my computer and talked to Tiffany for a bit, and then got his number off of her and sent him a text:

Kelly: So I hear you're enjoying LLST?

Chicago: Its pretty good haha.. "Kelly"

Kelly: Haha - thanks. Having fun reading about yourself? And I'm sure you'll use what I've written about "Tiffany" against her..

Chicago: Haha I only read about "Chicago". I have to go back and read about her.

Kelly: Waaay to be self-centered. When did you first read it?

Chicago: Just now haha.

So yes, now Chicago reads LLST. Its fine though, I couldn't care less - everything I'm saying is true, so all he's doing is reading things that happened to him.

- xx, Kelly.