By The Fire, Sitting, Waiting...

I find myself getting repetitive, and that is why I have been writing less lately.

I can't help it right now, though, because I can't stop thinking this. Why is it that we are so confused. I feel as though I know what I want one day, and the next it's all up in the air. Emotions are cruel, cruel things. The feeling of being alone, being all by yourself and depending on no one is something so easy, so straightforward and so entirely possible. Until you remember, or you learn, the feeling of having someone to fall back on. Until you feel what it is like to be all by yourself, to be a big girl, but to have someone watching over your shoulder, just in case.

It makes sense that they say we all look for someone who reminds us of our fathers or mothers. They are the epitome of safety; they are our backbone and our little cheering squad at the end of the day. No matter what happens, they are there for you because you are theirs. And they love you. They love you and care for you no matter what happens.

Listening to stories of people who have been together for 50 year, so close and so loving and so happy, are both exciting and terrifying in my eyes. The idea of finding someone who is so totally committed, so loving and so willing to work through life's difficulties is almost overwhelming. Their strength and their trust is admirable and inspiring.

So here's to hoping I'm capable of this. To hoping I'm able to stop pushing people away for long enough to find someone special.  To hoping they are the one I'm meant to spend forever with. To hoping for love, true and pure and immovable.

- xx, K.