Time's Run Out On Making Moves...

I'm going to do the insecure / whiney thing for a minute. So bare with me, I promise this isn't going to become a trend.

I hate that I always get myself into these situation where, yes, I have a guy.. but it's never what I want. Like, sure he's a great guy. Sure, he treats me well and sure he does and says the right things. But then there's the other side of this. Have I ever been asked on a proper date? nope. Have I ever been treated to things, or surprised and brought place and included and been that special girl? Not really, no. I always end up with the guys I'm not supposed to be with. It always ends up needing to be kept quiet. And that's translated into, we're-together-but-I-can't-outwardly-like-him. Which also means, he-has-an-excuse-to-never-acknowledge-our-relationship. And the vicious cycle continues. I don't ask for much, I'm not the pushy girlfriend who asks for things to be bought for her. My ex-boyfriend spent next to nothing on presents for me, and I loved them. He was thoughtful and took the time to do things he knew I would appreciate. Those were good days, but unfortunately, he is the ex. And so that's ended. And the current is, well, back to square one. Back to my usual situation of a boy who likely will never ask me on a proper date, and even more likely, affection is only seen behind closed doors.

Then there's the other thing that hits each one of us at different times and to different degrees. You see those girls, you know the ones I'm talking about. The ones who seem to have everything going for them. They're stunning, funny and no guy can walk past them without doing a double take. I have always been the one who's considered, "interestingly pretty" or "different" looking. That's great… except interest and different are the kinder version of words like weird and strange. I always end up befriending that girl, the one no one can resist. And as much as I want to understand their problems, I'm usually just the girl who is friends with those guys. So when she talks about how he's been after her since day one, I don't understand.

That's all. Just had to put these thoughts, these insecurities, somewhere. We all feel this every once and a while, today I do, tomorrow I'll forget them and get busy with all the excitements of homecoming weekend.

- xx, K.