Wrap Me Up, Unfold Me...

I guess you can classify me as a closet dreamer.

 I am realistic, on the verge of pessimistic, during the day and this is how anyone who knows me is likely to describe me. I don't hide my opinion, I don't hope for things that are unrealistic, I don't have time for other peoples' bullshit. However, when I'm sitting alone, and I finally stop running from one place to another, I wonder what it would be like to be Cinderella. Or the antagonist in the book I just finished reading, who's life isn't anything elaborate.. she has a pet hamster and a little apartment.. but she has this amazing boyfriend, and another gorgeous suitor. If only that was my problem. I wonder about finding someone I can stand and who actually likes being in my company enough to decide they want to deal with me permanently. At this age, I don't think I'm supposed to know what any of this is really like.

Well, I mean I guess a beautiful admirer could happen, however the latter is not something you find now. I don't believe many people find their true love before they have grown fully into the person they want to be, and I know I'm not done growing yet. I believe everyone needs to learn how to be alone, how to stand up and face the world without a shoulder to lean on. Until we are capable of this how can we function in love and a relationship?

Unfortunately, it sucks to be that one person at the company christmas party without a date, because when everyone inevitably pairs off where does that leave you? Other than standing silently willing someone to approach you. It sucks to sit at home in the cold at night without a boy or girl to talk to and it sucks to crawl into an empty bed after you've felt how inviting a pre-heated one is. It sucks, but my dear, that's life.

And so we all carry on, holding our heads up and smiling even if it sucks. I know I will until some confused man decides they want me to be an element in their forever. I hope you do too. And I hope you can keep that smile knowing one day it will be your turn, rushing this makes you look like a fool and is incapable of ending with anything good. Today, you will be your own hero.

- xx, Kelly.