I have days where I wish I was invisible. I wish I could simply float through my day unnoticed, untouched, unharmed. I wish I didn't have to speak; I am content with silence. Days where I'm happy to say nothing at all and just do my own thingI have days where I wish I wasn't invisible. I wish people would walk up to me instead of around me. I wish someone would start a conversation with me, not because it benefits them, but because maybe they're just interested in what I have to say? Maybe they what to know what I think, listen to me, get my opinion?
I have days where I wish I was with someone. I wish there was a guy I could call when everything was falling apart. Someone I could call and ask to pick me up at any hour with as little of an explanation as "I need you right now, please". Someone that could help me face my fear and put my back together when I fall apart. I wish I had someone to hold on to me, smile at me, think of me.
I have days where I wish I wasn't surrounded by couples. Not because I want that, rather because it's more fun being single. I don't need a guy's emotions to deal with, I can handle myself and my problems on my own too. I love sharing my single bed with my dog and devoting my time to my horse. A boy would just waste my time.
I have days where I wish I wasn't so indecisive. Today is one of those days. It seems that everything I want is the exact same as everything I don't. It seems that everything that occupies my thoughts is so trivial. Everything I feel useless. Toska. A Russian word that can't be directly translated into english. This is what I feel on these days. And I have yet to figure out what I'll do about it.
- xx, Kelly.
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