You've Got Big Wheels, Well We Ride Trucks...

I'm sitting in the living room of my mom's house, blasting starry eyed with the base as high as it goes. I wish it was summer, and that I didn't have to go back to school on wednesday. I wish these weren't midterm exams, but finals. I wish I was at the barn right now. And I wish it wasn't -28 degrees celsius up there. But, I'm half way there. We've passed the shortest day of the year, things are getting better, days are getting longer and brighter. I'll see my little horse tomorrow morning, freedom is on it's way. 7 weeks until spring break with Lola. And other couple and we're at easter. Then we've entered spring and the show season. Only good things come from here on in.

I have one little thing I feel the need to say, and I hesitate because I don't know who reads this. Who knows who I am. Who cares to look into what I say. It's easier when no one knows you, but I guess that's life. I put this on the internet. It's fair game to anyone who owns or can operate a computer. So, if you're reading this, dear friend, this is how I really feel.

There's this friend, we became good friends quickly, but that stopped. Something happened, and I can't figure out what. The friend wont tell me what happened. I ask, and get nothing. "It's in the past, I never look back for anything". Not even to fix something that can change the future? I don't get it. We're all human, we all make mistakes, we are all hypocritical and we all lie. Why can't you tell me what I did this time? I can't guarantee it'll never happen again, but I can promise I'll try? I just can't comprehend what could be so difficult to say, when it's quite clearly something I've done. I put myself out there, told you how I felt. "k" or "I'm not telling you" aren't exactly answers you look for when you ask for a little in return. I'm not out to get you, you've just confused me as to what I could've done, and why you can't possibly explain to me how. I thought that was a pretty simple request. That's all I asked for, and still ask for.

I like being friends.

So I guess I'm somewhere between untouchable, and damaged. I didn't sleep last night, wrote and exam in a room that was -13 degrees this morning, and can't get this off my mind. Maybe writing about it will give me a little peace. Because rereading that, I'm happy I left it at that. I'm happy I didn't go back on what I asked for. I will not be walked all over. Sorry if that would've made things easier. I'm not looking to solely accommodate you. I ask, you give. You ask, I give. That's how this has to work.

- xx, Kelly.

the photograph for this post is more ironic than you can imagine