I'll Keep My Eyes Fixed On The Sun...

Who do you think you are to believe I owe you anything. That I would go out on a limb for you, that I would do you a favour after the 'favours' you've done me? Why is it that you believe you can treat someone like shit and when you 'forgive' them for the things you have decided were wrong, you expect gifts from them in return? Are you really that certain you're incapable of doing wrong? Or do you just choose to forget all those lovely things you said to me just months ago. Because even though you have forgiven me, I have received no apology. And you better believe I wont forget those words - that was the point though, wasn't it? Didn't you do it to 'put me in my place' or at the very least to make your opinions of me known, in the only way you know, loud and clear? 

So please, please next time you make decisions about me, remember this. 

Remember that I don't take personal attacks lightly. 

Remember that I don't need you in any way.

Remember that I'm counting down the days until I never have to see you again.

- xx, Kelly.

Over Rivers, Farms, And State-Lines...

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run when chasing a dream. There is no rule that dictates why or who will be the best, no single way of getting there. In a world where everyone chases similar goals, everyone seems to be so hung up on net worth and international ranking we forget the little things. Someone will win. Someone will lose. Both are essential, and we are the only ones dictating which role we play. Even the wealthiest men and women in the world have their fair share of problems. Happiness is truly not attained in wealth, though one may be misguided to believe it is easier. Those who always want more will not be satisfied with all the wealth the world can give them. The top competitors will get bored of being the best. And in the end we are what we eat, what we leave behind, and what we create for those to come.

So, I guess this is just saying it's time to work for those dreams. Keep running. Push through that wall and don't let rude, belittling, or down right mean people stand in your way. We are all painting a picture of ourselves and in being that way they have put a black streak through the middle of their masterpiece. You will not be handed the things that really count. It takes time and sacrifice and a little luck.

I'm trying. Trying to push past the people who seem to have nothing positive to say. Past those who are here to help but hold their personal agenda in higher standing than anything else. To get to where I want to be - at the top of this pyramid. I'm not there yet, no where near it actually. But I'm still learning and until I know for sure I can't, I'll keep on working.

- xx, Kelly. 

Fine Tune...

I'm sitting here, avoiding an essay and waiting until 7 so I can go work out. Everything I should do, ie. write this stupid paper, is so unattractive, and everything I want to do I know I shouldn't. I spent the day bored out of my mind, and now I'm really not wanting to write another word (well… I think this is an exception).

I just want to curl up in a ball with my book and with you.
Thats it.
I want to laugh and smile and read and I want to do it all at a big window because the weather is getting so much nicer. Can you feel spring coming?

Everyone has rough patches, I've had my share of them but as of right now everything is going okay for the most part, and I don't want to sit in the dark or write about books I don't like. I want to enjoy it and I want to just be. Be in the ease of it all.

And then, at 7, I want to go visit my boy. The one, and only one, that I really do love.

- xx, Kelly.

A World Between...

I wonder what people who read this think of me. You may or may not know me, and if you do, well, then the question doesn't really apply. Your opinion are varied and already set. But there are the people that keep popping up on the google stats.. Germany, Poland, England, Russia… all of these people who really do not know who I am.

It picks away at my curiosity.

How you imagine I look, how you might think I spend my time, how I dress, what kind of music and movies do I like? These things that make up me as an individual outside of this outlet. And it's funny, because like with any good book, we have an idea of what the characters should look like. I find, personally, that movies of books ruin this. I find that as soon as someone else puts a face to the name it extinguishes the person I spent all of those hours creating in my mind.

So, here is me wondering what you've created my character to be. Whether you'd get along with her or not, and why.

Feel free to explain, anonymous or not, and as always I love the feedback.

- xx, Kelly. 

Let's Get Out Of This Uptown Life...

Everything in the world as we know it comes down to timing. Did you catch your bus, were you late for school, did you get stopped at a red light, how long do you barbecue the steaks for, when do you have to leave the house? The outcome of these things will forever change the course of your life. It may seem ridiculous, but say you burn your dinner and decide to go out to get something to eat instead, and you end up running into an old friend or making a new one. That one burnt steak has changed everything. We have schedules, sure, but sometimes we just can't get everything right. Sometimes its harder than that to get things to work out at the time they appear to you.

Love is based on timing just as much as anything else. Love is timeless, but the beginning of an "everlasting" love has a small window of opportunity. People fall in and out of love because of exactly this. We lose contact or lose faith because of the time or headspace we are at in our lives. Have you ever heard someone say, "if only I'd met him a year ago..." Or, "if only she'd waited a couple months until I was in a better place..." Timing. And that's what makes good timing so special. There are so many reasons, so many ways for everything to go wrong. So many chances to mess things up, chances to make mistakes. But sometime, someone will find you when you're in a place that will allow a healthy relationship, and their in that same spot too.

This, my dears, is when you know something special has come to be. This is when the timing was right, and I hope the timing of the beat of both your individual drums continue to beat in a complimentary rhythm. Because we all will find this timing, eventually. Patience and a willingness to learn from mistakes and let those relationships that missed their time go will better you for that special case where things were right.

- xx, Kelly.

Grace, Beauty, Spirit, Fire...

I've been having a really good couple weeks, which I guess you can blame for the lack of writing. It's funny, because even though I got seriously injured, stuck at a gas station, nearly sprayed by the skunk that sprayed my dog, had to live under the same roof as a skunk-smelling dog, and left in charge of my sisters when I was already crazy busy, I loved every second of it. When you find yourself a good head space, and when things are going your way its amazing how the little setbacks become even smaller. I'm so close to being ready for competition, I've seen all my good friends from in and out of school recently and for the first time in a while I'm happy with a quiet and boring boy situation. Well, at least by my standards. There have been some funny karma moments, even funnier blonde moments, and a lot of laughter. My little creature deserves a special mention as well, hard work with few good results is something that can kill the spirit and the want to work harder. It took a year of hard work and few results, but finally my 1,500 plus hours of work have come through - success, understanding and patience have grown between myself and this stubborn little horse. He is the reason, above all else, that I'm so content.

So I guess what I'm saying is that its important to have different aspects of your life to keep you going when things get tough. Everyone needs an escape from reality, I just chose an escape that I can run to every day - the barn. Some suggestions: if you don't already have one, get yourself a pet. And get yourself a hobby separate from everything else in your life and work really hard at it. Whether it's playing an instrument, a sport, or an art form. The reward you will gain from it is unimaginable to those who sit in their basements playing video games and watching movies.

I am in school. I provide full care for two horses. I spend time with friends. I have a job. That's over 15 hours of school each week, over 30 hours at the barn, over 5 hour of work, and I can promise you, you still have time to eat, sleep, study, and go out.

I have such a difficult time understanding those who complain about having no time because I think if you dig really deep, and you're completely honest with yourself, you do have time. There is always time. Sure, you have to prioritize and some things take a back burner for a couple days, but there is always time. Focus on what you need to do, what your goals are and how to achieve them. Then take that jump and allow yourself to put all your effort into these things. It's scary putting yourself out there in a place where you might find that your best may not be good enough, but at the end of the day we are better off trying and failing than never trying at all.

- xx, Kelly.


p.s. This is a little bit of a jumbled post, but I think I got everything out. Bottom line - challenge yourself, work hard, find things you enjoy and pursue them, don't let silly girls or stupid boys ever stand in your way, karma will come to everyone, and remember the sun always sets no matter how bad a day has gone and rises to a day with a clean slate.