Not The One With The Match...

Everyone has a breaking point. Whether yours is easy or difficult to reach, it's there and we all have to watch that we don't do things that force us to reach it.

I can't decide if my problem is that I put myself in situations where I'm destined to get there, or if I push people to reach theirs and then it's inevitable that I end up there with them.

I question my ability to be in committed relationships constantly. Not because I'm incapable, but because I never seem to be good enough. I don't make people happy. I've mastered the art of getting the guy, but keeping them is something I can't quite get the hang of. Maybe there's a reason, maybe it's something I do or don't do. Maybe I have a knack for getting wrapped up in the wrong people.

I don't know what it is. But it's there.

When you're telling me you're not happy, am I supposed to assume I have no part in that? Because that tells me, since I have a substantial role in your life, you're not happy about some aspect of that. Telling me that you don't like where your life is at and that you can't smile when I ask what's wrong is bringing me down too. I want to be happy and I want you to be happy but if you can't then I can't either. Sadness is infectious. And as much as I want to be sad, I can make myself sad all on my own, it's not something I've ever needed help with.

Maybe I'm the one who's pushing towards the breaking point. I know I make mistakes. I know there are things I've done that I shouldn't have. And I know that I'm not perfect. But I am human. And I am trying. And I do care.

- xx, K.