Not The One With The Match...

Everyone has a breaking point. Whether yours is easy or difficult to reach, it's there and we all have to watch that we don't do things that force us to reach it.

I can't decide if my problem is that I put myself in situations where I'm destined to get there, or if I push people to reach theirs and then it's inevitable that I end up there with them.

I question my ability to be in committed relationships constantly. Not because I'm incapable, but because I never seem to be good enough. I don't make people happy. I've mastered the art of getting the guy, but keeping them is something I can't quite get the hang of. Maybe there's a reason, maybe it's something I do or don't do. Maybe I have a knack for getting wrapped up in the wrong people.

I don't know what it is. But it's there.

When you're telling me you're not happy, am I supposed to assume I have no part in that? Because that tells me, since I have a substantial role in your life, you're not happy about some aspect of that. Telling me that you don't like where your life is at and that you can't smile when I ask what's wrong is bringing me down too. I want to be happy and I want you to be happy but if you can't then I can't either. Sadness is infectious. And as much as I want to be sad, I can make myself sad all on my own, it's not something I've ever needed help with.

Maybe I'm the one who's pushing towards the breaking point. I know I make mistakes. I know there are things I've done that I shouldn't have. And I know that I'm not perfect. But I am human. And I am trying. And I do care.

- xx, K. 

Everything Is Made To Be Broken…

It's amazing how we are able to stress so much over things that end up being such small pieces of ourselves.

One of the things I see in people is a fear of not getting things done fast enough. Not doing things at the 'right' time, the socially 'acceptable' time, the time that everyone else chooses to do these things. And people get so distracted by the prospect of not fitting in, of failing in one sense, and so they work themselves up into a state of fear.

I wish I could tell them, and really make them believe in their heart, that they have nothing to worry about. We live long lives. Today, work hard, be smart in your decisions and believe that you've done all that you can. There will always be tomorrow, and most things can wait. It's important to learn to take a step back, take a deep breath, and say to yourself, "I can do this, I will try my best, and at the end of the day I will be happy with the results and learn from what I accomplished. And I will have other opportunities to do better in the future."

Because you will have another shot. Especially in school. Yes, okay so it costs more money. And you know what, it does feel shitty to fail something. It sucks and no one wants to do it. But does it say anything about who you are as a person? No. Does it mean anything once you redo the course and work a little harder? No.

All it tells me is that you have learned something.

We are all still growing. We are all trying to figure out what works for us and what doesn't. At the end of the day, the best thing to learn how to do is to step back, take a few deep breaths, and let things go. Let things be.

Believe in yourself and your abilities and determination.
Be stubborn.
And remember, who you are and how you prepare and handle it is more important that the event itself.

We're all still learning and no one can hold that against you. It is not the end of the world and you will figure it out.

- xx, Kelly.