Just Like They Said It Would...

I hate this. I actually really fucking hate this feeling. In the pit of my stomach, all I can feel is that I knew all along, I should have run away while there was still a chance. I had two options: run far far away and hide behind the biggest barricade I could create, or run, not from, but to you.

It sounds so contradictory, but running away and running to you would have kept me equally as safe; to you would mean that I would have someone to hold me, listen, be there. Away meant I would be totally free of you, cut ties, and go where the wind blows.

Instead, I chose to stay standing right where I was – just a little bit out of your reach – not far enough away to protect my heart. I didn’t know what to do at the time, and honestly I still don’t know what I should have done, but one thing I do know is that I should have done something. Anything.

Because you see, you are happy. I’m happy for you, but you don’t need me, so it’s hard and complicated and everything I told you I didn’t want this to become.

I was right all along, do you see that now? Remember that night, you told me, “Kelly, you’re not going anywhere” what happened? Please explain to me what changed in a couple weeks that allowed you to forget. I’m still here, I still want to talk to you, see you, be a part, even if only a small part, of your life.

I guess they were right all along – you only befriend girls who can do something for you, as soon as they’re not useful you walk away. I learned a lovely lesson from you boy, and I thank you for that, but don’t try and deny that I haven’t changed, I’m still here somewhere in the middle, just a friend like always. You’ve run away, taking a little bit of me with you.

- xx, Kelly.