Going To Wish I Had A Storm Warning...

Off I go again.

Next stop: the UK.

- xx, Kelly.

ps. new favourite song - Storm Warning by Hunter Hayes

We See What We Want...

Shit always seems to happen to me. I don't know, I guess anyone can say that but it seriously seems that I always manage to twist things so they turn into big dilemmas.

I mean don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way.

For starters, beginning of the summer there was this guy. Cute, funny, musical and quiet. He was intriguing and I couldn't quite figure him out. Well, I was told that he was going away for the whole summer starting the next week and that he'd be gone until september so when he attempted to kiss me I turned away. Who the fuck knows whether that was the right thing to do or not, I sure as hell don't, what I do know though is that this story doesn't feel like it's over yet.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, met a really nice guy, ended up hooking up with him which was lovely - no strings, no issues, well.. except family ties of sorts. The thing is that I'm bored of that. He's not someone I'd ever date and even though he's a genuinely good guy I couldn't stand being stuck with him for very long.

And it comes back to my first point I believe - I get bored so easily that I have to find something to entertain myself. So I make things interesting. I twist and turn and run and wait and go after things. I make mistakes, take risks and fall hard and spend my time as actively as I can. I do what I think is right and

I mean don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way..

- xx, Kelly.

Stretching Karma's Apetite...

I'm really sorry that I'm a human being. One of those things, to your delight, that comes along with being human is that I'm not fucking perfect. So please teach me, oh gracious one, how you came to be so flawless. Grace me with your presence and please, if you will do me the honour, enlighten me with your ways of perfection. I'm simply intrigued to hear how you manage to live such a humble, self sacrificing, beautiful and caring life with such a wonderful demeanour.

Come on. I'm not perfect. I'm not always the happiest and I'm not always polite. I'm learning to be these things and I'm trying so I'm really sorry that it doesn't always happen. I'm in high school. I'm a teenager. Isn't this a part of it? Not to make it an excuse but I really don't mean to do anything to upset you.

And please. You're human too so stop pretending you can do no wrong. There is a reason behind the tension here. If this was one sided I wouldn't have any argument. Unfortunately, I have a hell of a lot to say and there is not a thing that you can deny. I've never once claimed to be perfect. I'm trying to fix things but it's a little bit difficult when you keep telling me everything I do wrong and just how innately horrid of a person I am.

Lets be reminded that the reason for this is because you lack the ability to know what you can and cannot repeat. If I say something because I'm worried about someone and you turn them against me with it I'm not going to have a whole lot of patience for you.

So sorry. One more year and I wont have to see you.

- xx, Kelly.

Ps. Keep the fucking dog.

A Scar's A Souvenir You'll Never Lose...

It's been forever. Woow. Sometimes things just happen so fast. It's like the world is on fast forward and by the time you sit down for a second more than 2 weeks have gone by..

I have been writing, just haven't posted anything lately.

Instead of posting free writing, I'm going to give a little summary of the past few months - something i haven't done in a while.

With school and competitions everything's been super busy. Summer school right after I finished exams, more competing and seeing friends. I've seen the boy's I've been missing, one of which I now see quite a bit. There have been new boys, but no one who's really stuck around much. Not that I give them much of a chance.

I'm happy though. I'm not really looking for a boy at this point - I've got good friends, guys that I can make drive over to my house if I'm in need of someone to cuddle with, and a puppy to satisfy that need if the boys are busy. I've got a couple good books to keep me company, and some good music:

New favourite: Animale - Don Diablo ft. Dragonette (Datsik Remix)

- xx, Kelly.

No Need For Stilettos, I'm Not Cinderella...

Every once and a while we stumble upon things from the past that make us reflect. Tomorrow (in 10 minutes) is the birthday of a guy I had really liked, and then got fucked over by. I met someone new friday and the situation I was in reminded me of him - but I did things a little differently. You see, ever since a lovely little incident with a girl I'm not too fond of (Cadela) and a boy I used to talk to I have a hard time trusting guys. This new one, well, he was lovely. Different, too. More soft spoken than the typical arrogant high school guys. And really nice. But I was scared, too afraid to start liking him just incase. Just incase I really meant nothing and he had a girl on his mind that he really wanted. So I ran. Metaphorically of course. And now I'm not sure if that was a good idea or not. I thought it for sure hadn't been soon after, but now I'm wondering if his summer away and the fact that he has another girl are good enough reasons for what I did to have been a good decision.

It's funny, because I rarely run. I'm the one that jumps head long into things and gets hurt. But I couldn't do it this time. Even though I really did want to.

I found this on my phone (I often write on my phone when I don't have my computer with me and occasionally post these writings later on) it's from just after the mess with Cadela and the boy:

I just want you gone. It's that simple. All I ask. Really. Because I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stand you. It's all the little things, they keep my p at night. (clearly.. it's 2 am and I can't sleep) The lie. They're the worst part of who you are. You take me down in front of anyone you can. Anyone who will listen. And yet, I can't get away from you. Because these friends have no problem with you and you don't seem as though you have any intention of leaving their sides. The funny thing is, these people have nothing good to say about you. They mock you they say they're disgusted by you.. yet, for some reason they can't bring themselves to stand their ground. Instead they fold and pretend to be your friend. Well I'm very sorry, but when I don't like someone I have no intention of faking a friendship. It's so fake it kills me.

It's funny, isn't it, that the ones that say they'll stick by you the most keep their word the least at times like these.

I don't feel this strongly now, however there is one part that remains - I will not be your friend. I don't have the time or energy to be spent building up a false friendship with you just to call you a slut behind your back. You know what I think of you and I'l say it to you directly, again, if you didn't quite understand the first time.

- xx, Kelly.

It Burns Like Me For You...

It's funny how small we all are. How everything seems to circle around us. Push and pull. How big our thoughts are, when in reality they're so so small. The decisions we make effect us and those around us directly, but don't we all walk past those who made the decisions we avoid daily? Do they really effect us? I guess we'd like to say they do, but we're just so busy. I don't think these lovely people who just didn't seem to get it right have a great impact on very many.

I've been writing on this blog since July 26th, 2009. Almost two full years. And not until today did I check the 'stats' of the blog. I like to think I have lessons and stories to share that can help others, or at least entertain them. And if my stories and ideas and lessons make any sense at all, well, then they're reaching people across North America, South America, Europe, India and Japan.

So my dears, if you take anything at all from this, whether you follow this blog regularly or you just happened to stumble upon this url, remember this:

We all make mistakes, those who make the best of them are those who are happy.

Dream big dreams, because someone has to do it - you're the only one stopping you.

Guard your heart, love freely, spend time and money, life is too short to take everything to heart. Travel when you can. Live the way that makes you happy.

Keep your head on your shoulders and when things seem too big and too hard to take remember this:

We all struggle, this isn't the first time, this isn't the last either - everything balances out. The good for the bad. Don't give up because of the bad or you'll miss your chance at finding the good.

- xx, Kelly.