Eight Seconds Left In Over Time, She's On Your Mind...

People come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. No matter the length of their stay we all grow and learn and change with these experiences and are never again the same naive little person we once were. Some people stay longer, their habits and their opinions begin to mesh with our own and we live side by side peacefully in a sort of equilibrium. It's in these people that we find, when they decide it is time to leave, we find and lose ourselves and have to work to pull everything back together. It's these people we find ourselves thinking about at the most inopportune moments, these people that we crave the care and attention of when things are difficult, when we need help. Their guiding hand, once carefully placed on your back protecting and sheltering you from the heart of the storm, no longer present. The void left is unprotected, it's empty and worst of all, it's vulnerable.

And when you feel as though you'll be okay all by yourself, you've carefully put the pieces back together and everything works again, your mind wanders back to them still. But instead this time of hurt, good memories shine through. Laughter and love and smiles replace the hurt that clouded everything. It's in these moment that we find who we really are.

Standing on your own two feet, smiling and ready to take on the world by yourself until someone new decides to offer you a hand. A hand you are strong enough to accept or decline.

- xx, K.

This Clock Never Seemed So Alive...

I think it's funny how much people focus on being liked. We are social beings so of course we want to have friends. I'm not saying that we should all want to be introverted and spend 90% of our time alone, but people change so much when they think someone would rather be without them. A person could spend days telling you how little time they have for another, but the moment they suspect that the feeling is mutual - that the dislike is, in fact, felt from both ends - they obsess over mending the strained relationship.

Because it was okay for them to say rude things and ignore someone, but it stopped being okay when it happened the other way around. Because it was no problem when they called the shots, but with that power taken away they can't handle the pressure. Because some people can't imagine having to sit by themselves. Can't imagine having only one person to turn to and they can't imagine having to fend for themselves in a place where the odds are stacked against them.

I've been the one who's being unwillingly alone over and over again from one time to another and I have to say I'm okay with it. When personalities clash, experiences are wildly different, and opinions are incoherent it doesn't make sense to push a friendship. If we could get along we would've. And as much fun as it is running around worrying about what you think of me, I'm much happier knowing that I don't think about you. And your opinion, though likely valid, doesn't phase me. Sure, this is harder than it sounds, and of course it means you'll sit by yourself on weekends occasionally (or far more often than you would like). But this also means that when you find friends, which you inevitably will, they wont fade away or flit off to someone more interesting.

And if they do, you'll just keep moving forward.
You're far to valuable to waste energy worrying when they're not concerned about you.
Fight for what can and should be, not what should've never been in the first place.

- xx, K.

I Get So Restless...

I took up yoga a little over a year ago and there are days, like today, that I'm so glad I did. People are crazy, there are so many times where I wonder what the hell is going on in their little pea brains. I wonder what possessed them to believe they were making good decisions. I have my days where people think I'm just as crazy but (hopefully) they're few and far between. The lovely thing about yoga is that it teaches you how to breathe. How to get grounded and feel the stability from the ground below you. To stretch and breathe and release the tensions held in the most obscure of muscles, the tension in your entire body. It's a release that isn't comparable to many other things. It's a clarity and a freedom that keep the body fresh and the mind sharp. Allowing realistic and positive thoughts, and most importantly, allowing us to more forward. The peace found in this silent exploration of the human body through movement is an escape that saves me time and time again.

- xx, K.

Take Me To A Place You Know...

I want to travel. I have this desire, this wanderlust, driving me to see all the different corners of the earth. I want to find a lover in Paris and walk down by the seine. I want to dress in bright colourful traditional clothing in India. I want to see Thailand, Australia, China, Egypt.. I want to step foot in each continent before I pass along, I want to experience the cultures of these places and learn to believe in the good in the entire world. I want to make friends in all of these places.

I want to live the American dream, I want to go to high tea in London, I want to ski the Swiss Alps, I want to be an honorary kiwi, I want to experience all the different beautiful places this planet has to offer. All the unique landscapes and one of a kind scenery.

I'm stuck in this room, and I'm filled to the brim with wanderlust.

- xx, K.

It Will Subside...

It's amazing how things follow you. How history repeats itself in even the most obscure of situations. I always seem to be stuck in the middle of one thing or the other, but all I really want is to be far, far away. And I really had no part in getting myself stuck there.

On another note, I'm sitting in my room by myself listening to something beautiful by need to breathe and loving the otherwise silent atmosphere. Spending the time trying to figure my way out of a new dilemma. But when has that ever changed.

- xx, K.

I Hear The Whispers...

Everything I've waited these past four years for is coming to life.

I'm leaving here, starting fresh without the 'help' of those I have met along the way, and it's all happening so soon. It's amazing how quickly these things sneak up on you when you're preoccupied with all the seemingly pressing things that have to happen right away. Amazing how caught up in the moment one gets and how stepping back and taking a deep breath really clears away all the cob webs. People come and go, leaving permanent footprints on our hearts. We learn from their successes and failures and build these things into who we are. Experiences shape our thoughts and ideas fill our brains. Time never waits for us to clarify those things that happened in moments prior.

The prospect of new friends, new experiences and ideas, new successes and new failures is becoming a reality. The whispers of change in the wind are on the verge of a howl now. Time in this phase of life is coming to a close and new adventures, challenges and rewards are on the horizon.

Good luck to you all. Do not forget the implication these next few years can have on the rest of your future. May all of your dreams be attainable through hard work and perseverance. May karma be kind when you are kind.. and may it give you a swift kick in the behind when you deserve it.

- xx, Kelly.