For The Nights We Can't Remember...

Here's to the long days, the heat waves,

heartbreaks, the first plunge into the water.

Cold drinks,

hot boys.

Good laughs and long chats - to the nights we can't remember, and the days that turned into mornings with the friends that turn into family.

Last but not least, the memories.

You will be missed summer 2010.

Catch you in a while.

Here's to the school days, the weekend raves,

the final five minutes of last period on friday.

Hot drinks, hotter hookups.

Better laughs and longer chats - to more nights we'll never remember, waking up with the people we know as family.

Bigger memories we wont forget, bigger mistakes we can't correct.

What's up December 2010, it's nice to finally meet you.

- xx, Kelly.

We're All Halfway Gone...

I was going through photos on another website I came across one that really made me feel. It showed a cell phone and read,

"My best friend died over the summer. I still have his number in my phone. Every time I'm upset, I still call him so I can hear his voicemail. It makes me feel better."

Reading this sent a shiver down my spine, and made me stop and really think about everything I have, everyone I love, and what it all means to me. I have so many good friends and so much amazing family, I really am lucky to have all the people I have. So, here's a little note to all of them:

Mom and Dad [and stepmom and stepdad] - you've shaped me since day one, you've help me through endless anxiety attacks and allowed me to grow and learn and be free. Thank you.

My girls - you are all seriously amazing. The time I've spent with you has been nothing short of extraordinary. The late nights, illegal actions, lessons learnt, sleepovers, bridges built, bridges burnt, love ignited, love extinguished. I'm forever here for you - a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand; I know you have been the same for me, and for this I am eternally thankful.

The few guys that have stuck around, my siblings, step siblings, and everyone in between - with your help, in big and small ways, I have grown into the person I am today. Though your contribution may be small, positive, negative, it will never be replaced and you have forever moulded me. I promise, I appreciate even the worst of factors.

To whatever degree, I love you all. I cannot imagine life without you, but I know eventually it is a reality. I hope you are all successful in life, everything you aspire to be and everything you dream and work for is earned. And yes, this includes those of you who have been negative impacts in my life. You still created a part of me. Separation is probable, death is inevitable, forever is only a life time on this earth - you will forever be a factor in mine.

- xx, Kelly.

I Love You With All I've Got...

-xx, Kelly.

Wait For Me This Time...

I hate people who tell me what I can and cannot do. I hate people that are only capable of talking about themselves and have no compassion when it finally becomes your turn to speak. I hate people who talk about everyone else, unable to hold back when they want to add a rude comment to a conversation about a person. I hate being the victim of gossip, I hate making decisions I regret, and sometimes I hate that I'm open with my opinions. I hate the teachers that expect students to be robots. I hate mornings like this morning when you wake up and a weight presses down on your chest making it all so much more difficult to keep breathing. I hate these mornings because all you want to do is go back to sleep, not because you're tired, but simply for the reason that you don't want to face everything you're feeling. When you wake up and you realize that you can't hide from all these silly boys and girls. When you wake up and you realize, today is just another day in this never ending cycle of wakeup-school-homework-sleep and repeat.

This is high school.

I would like to tell those teachers who tell me I can't that actually, I can thank you. Those who can only talk about themselves to stop because their insecurity which is talking isn't helping their case. Those that pick on people to shut the fuck up and worry about what actually concerns them, not everyone around them. And dear god, why are we not supposed to break down, show emotion, be human? This is how we were created isn't it? So why do we try and pretend we're something else? Those mornings wouldn't really be a problem then, everything would be much more manageable.

High school seems to only tell me that I can't.

Thank you. Actually, I can.

- xx, Kelly.

How To Love...

Love - an intense feeling of affection / a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone / a great interest and pleasure in something / to like very much

Love.

fondness, appreciation, warmth, intimacy, attachment, devotion, adoration, passion, desire, lust, affection.

What defines love. How do we know we're feeling love. Does loving someone mean you're comfortable with them? Does it mean you want to be with them? Does it mean you can't be without them?

What is love. Is there one kind of love? Does that feeling of not knowing, waiting for him to call waiting for a sign constitute love in it's entirety? Is love the feeling of unity and security in family? Is love the near sibling relationship between best friends, inseparable and incomplete without each other? Or, is love something utterly different?

How to love, and how to let love go. One in the same really; if you consider how difficult it is to love - to put your feeling in the open, trust in another flawed being, and give everything you have. Compare this to how complicated it is to let love go - cut ties, leave feelings to disintegrate back to nothing, accept a future wildly different than what's become normal, and breathe, feel, think, decide for one person again.

Love. It's a word people use for a lot of things; we throw it around to the point that it's lost it's meaning. Love. A word I can't seem to find in myself to say to very many people, including family. Love. A mystery of heart and soul, a gift, a blessing, a puzzle, a secret, all the while wholly transparent.

Love is infinite/everywhere/nowhere/undefined.

- xx, Kelly.

Always Remember...

-xx, Kelly.