The Lights That Stop Me Turn To Stone...

My Dear,

Please remember:

I always win.

- xx, Kelly.

I'll Leave My Window Open...

Because people exhaust me. The drama, the lies, the conflict. Because work exhausts me. Because everything pushes against you. It's like gravity. You're brought down to earth in the highest of times. When you think you've got it figured out. That you finally got it right and that you're truly happy. That's when this undeniable gravity comes back to haunt you.

You see, I've made my mistakes. We all know that, and I'm not alone. You hook up with boys that are bad news, you run because it feels really really good, you play with boys hearts, and boys play with yours. You cry, you laugh, you are invincible, you are destructive, you are destroyed.

I'm tired of playing games.

I'm tired of chasing fleeting images.

I'm tired of crying.

I'm tired of falling.

I'm tired of losing.

I'm tired of waiting.

So would that boy who, and I'm not asking for forever,

will treat me like something special

something worth ditching the boys for

someone exceptional

please walk in soon?

I'm not asking for a long stay.. just a visit is fine with me.

I'm just curious. And confused about whether you exist or not.

I'm tired of being confused.

- xx, Kelly.

And It Can't Save You...

My lovely friend Lola is at home sick, so tuesday [instead of going to school] after I came back from a day with the coaches I went to visit her. We sat and talked for a while, and then watched PS. I Love You.

It's funny. Because watching a movie like that, one filled with so much self pity and hot irish boys I pulled a whole new meaning from it.

What the fuck are you waiting for? Why are you leaving things for when you're older, wiser, more powerful? Why are you watching other people work hard for what they believe in - struggling and putting everything they have, everything that they are to a goal. Get off your lazy ass. Go out. Conquer. Because no one will do it for you. Dream big, remember that even the biggest of goals have to be achieved by someone. Why can't you be that special someone? I'll tell you why. Because you're so afraid of failing, so stubborn and unwilling to learn and make mistakes and cry that you wont ever try.

So please, don't say you'll do it tomorrow. 89 thousand people die in their sleep every night. You may not wake up tomorrow to discover your potential.

Try your hardest. Be good to others. Dream big. Have fun. Never go to sleep angry. Tell those you love how you feel. Tell the truth. Smile. Breathe. Drive a little too fast. Fall a little too hard. Cry as often as is necessary. Hold everything back. Hold nothing back. Give everyday your all. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Guard your heart. Sing loud and often. Whisper and giggle and pout and tease and taunt and flirt and be silly and cuddle. Remember that this could be your last day.

Like I said - what the fuck are you waiting for?

- xx, Kelly.

I Recognize The Way You Feel...

You're lovely. I can't help but smile when i see your face, no matter how much I want to hit you and call you names and push you out the door and hit you with it on your way out. Sitting with you at night - in the dark, under a blanket, under the stars - makes my heart race no matter how much I try to stop it. The safety of your hand on my back guiding me when I'm unsure, that little squeeze you give my hand when you can feel that I'm scared. The warmth of your breath on the back of my neck, of your smile, of your embrace.

You're lovely. I can't help but pray that I don't fall in love with you. Because you see, you're toxic. You've entered my mind and I can't get you out. You're lovely. And that's the problem. Because you see, I'm falling for you. And in this game we call life, the first who falls loses.

I don't want to lose. And I sure as hell don't want to lose you.

- xx, Kelly.

Every Song I Sing, I Sing For You...

so kiss me and smile for me,

tell me that you'll wait for me,

hold me like you'll never let me go.

- xx, Kelly.

ps. the superstition says that if you make a wish and tell it, it will not come true. I don't think that's the case. I think that sharing a wish opens up a little piece of you that you hide away. If it was 11:11 right this very second, I would wish what I always wish - I hope everything turns out okay. I hope everyone is happy in their life and I hope things turn out for me. And if for some reason it doesn't work, well I guess it was still meant to be.