I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

ˈFi(ə)rlis...

fearless |ˈfi(ə)rlis|adjectivelacking fear

If I was fearless I think I'd do a few things dfferently.

Maybe I'd drive a little faster that I already do. Maybe I'd walk through more dark back alleys at night. Maybe I'd get on a plane with no return ticket and see the world on my own. Maybe I'd sleep less, worry less, think less, love more, spend more, laugh more. 

- xx, Kelly.

Red, Red, Red, Green...

Ours is a waiting society. We wait for the bus, wait for the weekend, wait until an appropriate time to eat dinner, wait for our turn to speak, wait until we can move out, wait to find someone to have to wait on for forever.. There is, of course, some doing.. but not until you've spent a sufficient amount of time waiting. Waiting for the seasons to change. We look to beginnings and ends. Excited at the prospect of something new, some uncharted path filled with promises and treasures and experiences. Anxious to complete a project dragged on far too long, a useful thing in the sense of learning perhaps, but something that must end. Waiting for the commercials to run their course. There is no deep, life-altering message behind what I've said. This is no parable. Simply fact. Take a moment, seat yourself in a subway station, at a busy intersection, at starbucks or even at the gym. Each person waits for something - be it the bus, the train, their coffee, the light to change, or a free treadmill. We have more patience than we realize, and less than is necessary.

- xx, Kelly.

Wrap Me Up, Unfold Me...

I guess you can classify me as a closet dreamer.

 I am realistic, on the verge of pessimistic, during the day and this is how anyone who knows me is likely to describe me. I don't hide my opinion, I don't hope for things that are unrealistic, I don't have time for other peoples' bullshit. However, when I'm sitting alone, and I finally stop running from one place to another, I wonder what it would be like to be Cinderella. Or the antagonist in the book I just finished reading, who's life isn't anything elaborate.. she has a pet hamster and a little apartment.. but she has this amazing boyfriend, and another gorgeous suitor. If only that was my problem. I wonder about finding someone I can stand and who actually likes being in my company enough to decide they want to deal with me permanently. At this age, I don't think I'm supposed to know what any of this is really like.

Well, I mean I guess a beautiful admirer could happen, however the latter is not something you find now. I don't believe many people find their true love before they have grown fully into the person they want to be, and I know I'm not done growing yet. I believe everyone needs to learn how to be alone, how to stand up and face the world without a shoulder to lean on. Until we are capable of this how can we function in love and a relationship?

Unfortunately, it sucks to be that one person at the company christmas party without a date, because when everyone inevitably pairs off where does that leave you? Other than standing silently willing someone to approach you. It sucks to sit at home in the cold at night without a boy or girl to talk to and it sucks to crawl into an empty bed after you've felt how inviting a pre-heated one is. It sucks, but my dear, that's life.

And so we all carry on, holding our heads up and smiling even if it sucks. I know I will until some confused man decides they want me to be an element in their forever. I hope you do too. And I hope you can keep that smile knowing one day it will be your turn, rushing this makes you look like a fool and is incapable of ending with anything good. Today, you will be your own hero.

- xx, Kelly.

Take Care Of You...

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. 

Christopher Reeve, a man who suffered an accident leaving him a quadriplegic and faced more difficulty in his life than any one of us has the capacity to imagine, said this. He suffered great loss, and in light of this he fought for the rest of his years to do good by those who have suffered similar losses.

People give up too easily. The human race is supposed to be resilient, we're supposed to be strong, we're supposed to be fighters and we're supposed to be in control of ourselves. We live in a place where people have an astounding capacity for cruelty, an ability to be so totally degrading to one another and an ability to hate. There are people who let these traits control their lives, and there are the people who let these traits scare them out of living. There are also people with an astounding capacity to love, so great that it defines us as a species. Those who embrace this ability are fulfilled, those who are embraced by it are content.

The problem, as I see it, is that we get focused on the little things that happen and displease us - we focus on the things that are holding us back and forget that there is only one thing truly stopping our growth.

You are the creator of your own fate. You are your own greatest critic. You are the single barrier keeping you from that which you so desire.

The people around you will come and go, each one having an effect on who you are. Hold their good judgement close to your heart, accept their constructive criticism. Do not overwhelm yourself with the desire to change for them.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are unique.

Right now is only a passing second, one of our greatest saving graces is that time never stands still. Believe in yourself, know your capacity to love, remember that you are young and that as slow as time may feel it will one day come to an end. There is no use rushing this end, you have much more work left to do here.

- xx, Kelly. 

Wanted Someone So Much It Hurts...

I'm ready to come home, I think. This place is beautiful, truly spectacular and I've had an amazing time. The problem is that it's the people here that make it what it is. A house comes to life when you're surrounded by the lively people in it - without these people it is merely bricks and mortar. If I were to stay it wouldn't be half of what it is now. I'm excited to get back and see the people I've missed, the animals I miss dearly, and my bed. This was a wonderful and relaxing way to begin a year in which everything changes. The beginning of an end, the countdown to a new beginning, and an entirely new world separate from it all.

- xx, Kelly.