Fill Me With Your Poison...

- xx, Kelly.

You Said Speak Now...

I want to believe,

you when you say everything is okay.

I want to believe that I'm not losing control. Things aren't slipping just out of my reach more and more often. I want to believe I can see where I'm headed. That everything is working out "as planned". But who plans this? Who plans for chaos and anger and hurt and confusion and every emotion squeezed into a ball that bounces around my heart making it harder and harder to breathe?

I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. Every person who enters and exits my life is there and is gone for a reason. I want to believe people tell the truth more often than they lie. I want to believe in the good in other people, in the strength within, and the human ability to be compassionate. Because without it all, where would we be? Who wants to see the devil in everyone, the weakness, the hate?

I want to believe the world isn't entering a downward moral spiral. A silent, or vocal war is not right, everything we fight for and against isn't going away; dig deep in your heart and think for yourself. What do you really feel, and can you live with your decisions? I want to believe that human actions are moral more times than they are not. The human condition, hopefully, is a light at the end of the tunnel, rather than a dead end.

I want to believe that 1 person can make all the difference. One child can end world hunger, one doctor can cure cancer, one smile can save a life. I want to believe the citizens of the world realize how life is sacred. You are irreplaceable - no one can take your place, everything we do effects someone, and hopefully we're aware of these implications. Hopefully we make the right decisions and save lives rather than destroy them.

I want to believe everything is going to be okay.

Because in a world this beautiful, it would really be a shame to throw it all away.

- xx, Kelly.

Who I Am, It's Not Just Me...

It's true.

I wish I could show you what I see, how I feel, let you believe how I believe. See why you should stay forever, not just for a little while. After all, they all stay for a little while when they promise forever, don't they?

How do I convince you that forever is really forever? How do I convince myself? How do i believe that you really do mean forever?

Why is it, that even though life seems so, so short, we can never accept what we have, find ourself, prove to ourselves that we're worth every penny, every smile, every ounce of happiness? Why does it seem to take ages to figure these things out, only to realize you'll never possess the answers.

Why, How, When, will I convince you to stay with me forever?

Why, How, When, will I convince myself to trust when you say forever?

- xx, Kelly.

You Can Tell Everybody, This Is Your Song...

I hope you don't mind, if I put down in words…

I miss you. I think of you. I see you sometimes, in my dreams. I feel your presence. When I sit up late at night, wish, thinking, believing, wondering.

I hope you don't mind, if I put down in words…

You have a place in my heart. You are the reason it continues to beat. You mean more to me than you could have ever imagined.

I hope you don't mind, if I put down in words…

Your eyes, they were the sweetest I'd ever seen. Your smile made my heart melt. Your laugh made me laugh along side you.

I hope you don't mind, if I put down in words…

I'm waiting for the time I'll see you again.

- xx, Kelly.

You Say You're A Big Deal? Big Deal.

Just a reminder,

I don't need you, love. All I need are my lovely girls, my horse and my dog. You, well, you're just a pretty little ornament on an already adorned tree. Remember that next time you decide you're my first priority. Because I have news for you -

You never were.

You never will be.

Ooh, sorry does that sting a little?

Get over it.

- xx, Kelly.

ps. vacay with my lovely, Lola. Assignments galore are to blame for my absence.