Live Like You're Dying...

I've talked a lot about regret lately. Maybe because I've been doing things that walk the fine line between okay and not okay. At least thats what people keep telling me. I'm not sure why I keep listening though, because it's making me sick. The constant reminder of every mistake is lovely, but I'd really like to be able to go a day without losing my appetite because of anxiety. Yes, I've made some interesting decisions lately, but I can't change that now.

- xx, Kelly.

#49 let her sit on your lap

I Could Never Follow...

Sometimes funny things happen. You think that you've got everything figured out, you know what you want, when, how and why. You make decisions because you believe that it's the right thing to do. One of my best friends always tells me, "Never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly you wanted". I try to live by this, and even more by what I always tell myself, which is never regret, just learn. We're only human. Some people put themselves on such pedestals, we all do really. They tell themselves they are above other people/animals/things and in convincing themselves they are, they forget one tiny detail that makes all the difference.

At the end of the day, we all die. We live our lives striving for the best, hoping for good and preparing for the worst. We all start and finish in the same place, along side all other people/animal/things. We're worth as much as our word, nothing more. No person can control you unless you allow them to. We are the makers of our own fate, and I truely believe that.

- xx, Kelly.

#48 write her a letter

When Is It Okay?...

When is it okay to start to fall?
1,2,3,4 ... 9 weeks in?
What if it seems perfect?

Nothings perfect.

Something tells me this is wrong,
but I like to think it's okay to fall once you know there is someone to catch you.
So what if that's not 'right'.

Wouldn't that save you a lot of time, effort, thought?

Unfortunately,
nothings perfect.

I fell before I knew whether someone would catch me,
or not.
This time, no one did.

I'll pick myself up, and try again.

- xx, Kelly.

#47 give her your sweater when she's cold, or keep her warm with a hug

Oops...

Whatever happens, happens. No regrets.

Except I'm really regreting it. Yes, what happens, happens - there is no way to go back into the past, fix things, tell yourself what you know, tell yourself to stop, go, run or hide.

This is to making mistakes, and lots of them, and trying your best to make up for them. The past is the past, but things in the future can go either way. Your choice.

- xx, Kelly.

#46 rub her back

As Long As I Have You Around Me...

Had a bunch of people over last night [including Kelsey, Darcy and Kristine] , parents were out of town, and it went pretty well. Nothing broken/damaged, just a bag of empties and a ton of cigs. Things have been pretty low key the past couple weeks. Went to visit Tiffany, which despite her dad's irrational punishments, was a lot of fun. Met all of her friends, who were all super nice. They weren't sure how to deal with some of the things I did [that are common in the city, but clearly not in the suburbs] haha, but it was fun anywayss.



Tonight, the parents are out again, and I might have people over again. They didn't really know about yesterday, but I told them about the potential for "10-15" people to come over, and they're fine with it. We'll see what happens.



I was sitting on the train on the way home from Tiffany's [which was brutally long] and doodling little pictures, and writing down thoughts and such, when I wrote something that I like quite a bit. I'm not sure where it came from really, but I though it was a cute little line.



"I've got a ring tan... but it's on the wrong ring finger..?"



- xx, Kelly.



#45 wrap her in your arms and hold her close to you

I've Left A Lot Of Things I'd Rather Not Mention...

I find safety in repetition.

Even little things, like saying goodnight seem to make a difference.

I'm interested in human psychology.

I like to understand why we do what we do.

I ask a lot of questions.

Whether you like it, or not.

I love animals.

I think they can teach us so much about ourselves.

I think too much.

Sometimes I just need someone to shut me up.

I argue and stand up for myself.

I refuse to let someone tell me that I'm not worth anything.

I take my time.

Some say I'm indecisive or just slow, but I like the ease of doing things at my own pace.

I'm not average.

I'm either above it, or more likely, below it.

I believe street smarts and school smarts are equally important.

So you you have a 90% average. Can you relate to people?

I'm far from perfect.

I make mistakes, say the wrong thing, make bad decisions.

I try to learn from my mistakes.

Sometimes I do, other times it doesn't work out.

I'm still learning.

There is not one person I couldn't learn something from.

I like repetition, I'm interested in human psychology, I ask questions, I think too much, I argue, I take my time, I'm not average, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I try and learn from them.

But I'm still learning, so maybe some of that will change.

I hope I'll learn to trust my instincts, live freely, love passionately, give my heart, take it back.

Until then, I'll still be learning.

- xx, Kelly.

#44 remind her you love her

Once Upon A Time...

Oooh god, what I would do for life to pan out the way it always seems to in fairytales. Sure, they have their hardships, but guess who lives "happily ever after" in the end? They do. Realistically, thats never the case. Someone always dies, we lose friends, spouses, siblings, until there is a part of us missing. People lose their tempers, usually way too easily. I have a story like this for you.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl, she was lovely and smart, and she listened to her parents and smiled. Everything a parent could want in a genuinely good kid. Her father, however, had a temper. What was good just wasn't good enough. Slowly, he tore apart the little girl with rants about grades to scoldings about anything else under the sun that was particularly 'important' on that day. Her smile started to fade when she was around him, and her mother noticed.

This little girl, well, she's one of my best friends and I love her to peices. Her father doesn't seem to understand how amazing she is, though.

Tonight we came in, before curfew, and sat down to watch a bit of the movie he was in the middle of watching. I got up to get a glass of water, and in the short amount of time it took to move from the living room to the kitchen I could hear the infamous words, "can i talk to you for a minutes?" Of course, one minute meant 10, so I left it alone, and waited until they finished their chat. All I heard was, "Life isn't fair, people don't care if your shorts are rolled or how many texts you send or how much time you spend with your friends."

Once upon a time, there was a lovely little girl, who's father did all he could to shatter her confidence, whether intentional or not. This little girl isn't all that little, and can make decisions for herself. I said leave, go live with your mom, let your father have a taste of his own medicine.

It's all on her though.. Do you think you could leave it all behind, no matter how bad it seems?

- xx, Kelly.

#43 take her on long walks under the stars

Maybe I'll Never Believe...

Maybe I'll never believe in the good in each person. Maybe I'll never believe that people do things with good intentions. Maybe I'll never believe in karma, or in love or ghosts. Maybe I'll never be totally out going, careless and fun. Maybe I'll never be the love of your life.

I'll tell you what I'm not, though..

I'm not overly optimistic, but I'm not seriously pessimistic. I'm not going to judge a person only by their mistakes. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and I don't let karma do my dirty work for me. I'm not the girl who sits waiting for you.

Now, what I am..

I'm realistic in my expectations. I trust everyone, just not the devil inside. I know that there is always another reason for the common person's 'charitable' acts. I play fair, until you break a rule. I make mistakes and learn from them, cause problems and talk my way out of them as best I can, get into trouble and accept the consequences. I'm not a delicate flower, but I do break and bruise. I'm rough around the edges, I'm flawed. But aren't we all? I am human, I listen to my heart instead of my brain at times, I fall for people's tricks. But know, I'm not that girl, I will never be waiting for you if you're not waiting for me. I may look delicate, but there's a drop of poison in there.

Better watch out for it.

- xx, Kelly.

#42 comfort her, when she cries wipe away her tears